| JLUH ep. 2 " GREEDY, TALL, ELUSIVE.........HANSOME"....
NEW CHARACTER!!!!!!!!!! THE MUGKILLER, GENEROUSLY PROVIDED BY MR. SCATES.
She was 23 years old. Not a care in the world. She had a great job, a family, a nice house...but then, DISASTER STRUCK! a man burst out from a dark alley. His face was covered up, and he wore all black. "Gimme da money!" he rang. He grabed the woman's purse.
A baseball bat swung around a cracked the mugger in the back of the head. "AHHHH! JEEZ!" he yelped. "Anyway...GIMME DA MONEY!"
IT BEGAN TO RAIN! lightning ripped the blackness of the night sky, punctuating all silence! the mugger looked up, a dark voice spoke: "There are two kinds of people in this world. Good people....and dead people."
and in a flash, he was gone. Suddenly a tank burst through the alley wall and slammed into the mugger. It crushed him, crushed him good. His skull burst into peices. BLOOD RAINED FROM THE SKY!!! The man got out of the tank, the woman looked at him. "Who are you?" she said. "I am the MUGKILLER...Is there an escape?" he said. "Yea, the rear entrance" she sang. "Where's that?" he sang. "In the back." And he vanished into the night...
MARCH 5 2006-ACADEMY AWARDS
"LA LA LA LA LA LAAAAA BIG FINISH!" Billy Crystal left the stage. Funny thing, the JLUH had been cordially invited to the Oscars. They had no idea what was going on. They don't watch movies...they eat.
Funny thing again, the SSJ had been cordially invited as well-OH-what?-we forgot! the SSJ is the Secret Society of Janitors. The arch nemisis of the JLUH, led by Bill Cosby and Mr. Dean. It was a fun filled night of comedy, drama, hip-hop, and dreams. OH! Billy Crystal! Clint Eastwood was best director! Morgan Freeman was best actor! but then...DISASTER STRUCK! It was time for best documentary film. The nominees were:"Im dying" by the guy from Supersize Me. "The White man" by Spike Lee. And "Kill all Republicans" by Michael Moore. Of course Michael Moore won! He was air lifted on stage, soon he began to rant, and rampage the white house and the war, yada yada yada. Now. The problem was, that the JLUH, was extremely conservative. Yet. The SSJ, was full of die hard liberal FREAKS! and Nazis even. Boo's arose from JLUH; claps arose from SSJ. "Hey! whats the big idea!" quickly a battle exploded inside the Kodak theater. AND THUS THE BATTLE ENSUED!!!!
The SSj sent out countless minions. Minion 1 leapt and rushed through the chaotic crowd, wielding a blazing fire-poker. Instantly, Chuck Norris appeared out of thin air. He round-housed-kicked the minion in the face. minion 1 spun out. The fire-poker flew and impaled his face. minion 2 fell to his knees in agony. Steven Segal winked at Chuck Norris. He broke the minion's hand and kicked his head off. All of the sudden, Doug Lider flew from high atop the Kodak theater in his hang-glider into the minions and died.... There was a moment of silence. The Amazing Greg leapt into a crowd of 50 minions! He kneed one in the face. A minion flew onto his neck and started to bite. Greg grabbed the minion by the head, yanked him off, breaking his neck. Thusly, he began beating the minions with the lifeless body. Then , a group of ten mexicans jumped behind NAMDROW, who couldn't understand what they were saying, then TRANSLATOR, jumped from behind the curtain and began translating to namdrow who began repeating it backwords , five of the mexican's heads exploded and then they preceded to beat up the other five with a brown lego peice.
The scene of chaos was beyond comprehension. Amidst the crowd Eastwood rises and vanishes. Combus man looked around the room. He saw a larger crowd of minions. hey! Contortionist! Come 'ere! " he yelled. THe contortionist rolled up into a ball Combust man burst into flames, catching contortionist n fire. Greg lifted him high into the air and Threw him into the minions, killing 27.
Meatman charged at Bill Cosby, giving him a punch in the jaw. He and Bill Cosby commensed dueling with rubber chickens. Meanwhile, Mocking Bird went to a crowd of Minions and began to mock them, The minions began to beat him up, Harrison Ford pulled out a whip and began to kill them all. Mocking Bird ran away crying. Mr. Shake Hands Man saw one of the minions and grabbed him by the shoulder and ran into a corner. " listen up" MSHM said." i will start killing off the JLUH members." "its a deal" the minion said.. They began to shake hands, it didn't stop, "what are you doing said the minion" said the minion, He began to violently shake, " NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" foam was spewing from his mouth and leg, his eyes were blood sh0t, he blew up in a fiery steven segal movie explosion, all that was left was his hand that fell to the floor and was obliterated, "its a deal" said MSHM, He walked offf into the sunset.
Venus Fly trap was seen in the corner, opposite of Mr. shake hands man, Fear man walked up to him, "what is the problem VF" "nutin much" (harp plays in background) Fear man shakes his hand, and takes his FEAR!!!!, " I WILL FIGHT I WILL KILLLLLLLL!!!!!" he grabs the sword out of the stone, and begins slaying baby dragons. he then moves to a rabid band of minion orcs. And Calls out ORLANDO BLOOOM, and orlando bloom runs up with a Tamagochi pet. "Yeah what? I'm busy" A pokeball flew into his vision. It instantly digivolved into godzilla and he has been rampaging ever since. VF grab a minion and lifted him high above his head. He ripped him in half and drank the blood. He threw the minion on the ground. It turned into a mace. He began swinging it at minions, killing hundreds...literally hundreds. Meanwhile, Meatman and Bill Cosby were still dueling but now they were dueling with Plastic action figures of power rangers, "We are evenly matched, Come join me meatman join the darkside," "NEVER" then out of nowhere James Earl Jones leapt from the air and landed on Bill Cosby. " noone steals my lines and gets away with it" said JEJ, "and he began to laugh" cried the narrator.
The battle had been raging fearcely between the forces of good and evil, but out of nowhere came a beatiful voice, It was Morgan Freeman " Hello friendsi see we have problems agianst each other, but why can't we just be friends" he began to speak about relationships and friendships, everyone in the room was crying, "CAN'T WE JUST ALL GET ALONG", 14 and half minion's heads exploded, " NOW COMMENSE THE FIGHTING" with that morgan freeman charged in and hit a minion in the face.
Suddenly, the pillars began shake and rumble. THE BUILDING WAS COLLAPSING!!! "Quick eberyone! Outside!" ConAir burst threw the roof. The Kodak theater collapsed. A riot began outside. The swat team sent thousands of trucks to the scene. Smoke bombs went off everywhere. Pools of blood gathered in the chaos. Bill Cosby stared into Meatman's eyes, menacingly. They flew into the air. Slash! Whap! They were destroying eachother. Meatman punched Cosby in the face. Cosby did a tornado spin kick into Meatman's face. " We need backup"cried Meat man,..... out of no where The driver came rampaging in running over many minions with the astro van and then transformed it into a jewish version of the optimus prime. " SHALOME" and then him and godzilla began to fight .......THAT IS IN AIR!!!!!!and the translator translated it in spanish as a commentator. HHAHAA
Then the swat team shot a nuclear missile at the JLUH and SSJ, and concrete boy jumped in the way creating a wall, and HE DIED!!!!!! we all had a good laugh, but after that Agua hombre caused a huge tidal wave and he began to get hives. Then out of nowhere Vulcan death grip boy and steven segal both vulcan death gripped a huge cloud, causing mass rain and thunder.
Soon all the JLUH and actors helping, were surrounded by minions , OUT of nowhere a trumpet sounded, Clint Eastwood jumped from the good year blimp with a shot gun in hand and began shooting down all minions, then the EYE OF THE TIGER came on and rocky ran through the crowd of minions crying ADRIAN and taking them out with Apollo's body.
As the JLUH and actors began fighting back, meatman turned a minion into meat, and imploder ate him and then began to implode, OUT OF NOWHERE Mr. Dean came running........well not really he is too fat, WALKING SLOWLY, and bumped into imploder and caused a great black whole sucking up all the mininons, and swat team,,......and Christopher tucker and jackie Chan.
Eventually, the JLUH got kicked out of the city. The SSJ just kept laughing at them and threw bags of oatmeal at them, the JLUH did not go home and bathe, because there was no hot water and the catortionist complains alot, yet he has the keys and is in the bad mood. so they all slept outside in the cold with Smokey the Bear.
. . .and all the while . . . they were being watched . . . by the Mugkiller . . .
TUNE IN NEXT EPISODE!!!
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